nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
