I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
