Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
