Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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