So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i out mim tonsoeep
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
