hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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