And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
