Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
