I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
