I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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