I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
