I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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