Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
