So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize