4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Porn is love you can see.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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