I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
