I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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