Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
