If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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