you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
