Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize