dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We need to rekindle our bromance
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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