you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im holly from the hills drunk
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
