I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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