i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dick has a subreddit
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize