I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
