Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The adults are the big ones right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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