He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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