Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
