The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize