who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
