Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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