I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
