Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
