her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He did a backflip because drugs
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