I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
