I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
