Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
