I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
