went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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