I hate all girls vehemently.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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