first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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