Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
