need another drink. this is the easiest way
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
