I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
