Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
