:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
