is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize