We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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