she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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