im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
