Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
