New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
