a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
