everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
