Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
