Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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