so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
