No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
