I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
