if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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