He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
