You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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