And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize