I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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