ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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